For all the reasons I listed in my previous entry, i.e. familiar with the area, have family/friends, #1 Nursing program in the state, ample job opportunities, fairly close to home, etc. I've decided to definitely move back to GJ this summer. I'm excited and already starting to feel restless. My mom was laughing at me the other day and I asked her what was so funny. She said that she just "knows me [you] and once I [you] make a decision, you want to get right on it and don't have the patience to wait on it very well." I had to laugh too, because she's right.
I feel like there is a shift coming up in my life very soon. I don't know if it's a good shift or a bad shift, but some things are going to be changing - although I get the feeling that it has more to do with the people in my life, than with me directly.
Tonight is my sister's last night at work and then she's off to Florida for a week of vacation in the sun, at the beach. Our brother's best friend, Jimmy, is very close to our family - he's like a surrogate brother. He's making bank doing something with fiber-optic lines and after Ashley spilled her guts to him with everything that's been going on and how stressed she's been, he surprised her with a plane ticket which was very nice of him. I'm glad she's going to get a week away - maybe it will give her the time she needs to take a step back and look at her life. To see what needs to change and where there's room for growth and improvement.
She and I had a long talk last night and I think it went pretty well. I basically just told her everything that I had written the other day about her, how she shouldn't be afraid to step out - because even if something "bad" happens or you trip and fall on your face, it's better to have stepped out and tried than to live your life in apathy.
I also broached the very touchy subject of her boyfriend. I basically said that I understood she's had a serious boyfriend since she was 13 years old and that she's not used to not having someone by her side. I told that I'm not angry or disappointed and that I don't not respect her because of this, but that I was wondering when she was going to admit that the only reason she is with Chad is because she needed someone there after things went south for the last time between her and Pete. I said that I think she's truly starting to get over Pete, but that it's going to take some time and I understood that. But that trying to delude herself into believing that she's in love with Chad isn't the answer.
Chad is a 25 year old alcoholic. He's a nice enough guy, I don't have any problem with him as a person. But I do have a serious problem with the fact that he's an alcoholic. I'm not judging him for it - I know it can't possibly be easy on him, either. If truth be told, I feel rather sorry for him. It's the fact that he "wants to help Ashley" but he can't help himself out of the bottom of a bottle. He needs to get his own life taken care of and his own issues dealt with before he tries to "help" Ashley. She is a big girl and she's responsible for her own choices and actions. But when she gets around people who drink, smoke weed, etc. it makes her that much harder for her to stay away from it herself. She's been drinking a lot more since she started dating him a few months ago. She takes him to and from GS for his court dates (three DUI's in a week - he definitely has jail time to serve, it's just a matter of how much). I just can't see any good coming from her dating someone with a serious problem like that, when she's already got plenty of her own.
I also made it quite clear to her that while I may not have approved, liked, accepted, or admired everything she's done with her days the last two years or so. But that I have ALWAYS respected and admired the fact that she's gotten up out of bed every morning. If nothing else, I've got to give her that. She may have screwed up along the way, but at least she gets up and tries again every single day. There's countless people out there that would not be able to even try to go on with their lives in the face of all that she's lost.
I made it a point to tell her that I wasn't telling her all of that to use it as an excuse for a pity-party, but rather to acknowledge the good in what she's done over the last two years.
In any case, we talked and it was good. I think she was actually listening which is absolutely amazing!
We all went to dinner tonight - my dad had his usual Prime Rib steak with the fixins and Pepsi, but my mom and I got the "all you can eat crab" and Strawberry Daquiris. SO GOOD. My Uncle Jay (dad's brother) and his new girlfriend was there as well. I mostly just sat there and listened to the conversation swirling around me, immersed in my own thoughts. Enjoying the tangy sweetness of crab dipped in garlic butter and the looks of love that pass with frequency between my parents.
I love my family and for the most part, my life here. I just... need something more. And I'm really very excited about moving back to GJ. Time to save money, start researching apartments and places to rent, get a resume typed up and apply for jobs available. Keep your fingers crossed!
This entry is taking me forever to write because I'm only typing on the commercials of the special on America's prisons that is on tv. It's really eye-opening, that's for sure...
Well, I really have nothing to say. I just felt like writing and so I've babbled on for a bit. I'm sure everyone is way excited about that! Ha!
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3 comments:
hm, I think you're right about the whole alcoholic thing. He can't really be a help to anyone else until he gets help first. And she can't either. They both need to sort out their issues. Boy that's tough. Did she get upset that you said something about it?
I don't think so. I think certain things hit home more than others, but she didn't seem upset with me... highly unusual for sure! I don't know if she'll listen to a word I said and put it into practice, but at least I said it. Her decisions are her own and, well, she's going to have to live with whatever those may be - as hard as it is to "let" her. Ashley is stubborn and young; not a good combination. But I'm holding onto the hope that she'll find her way. It's taken me four years since I graduated to finally start finding mine, so who knows?
Three DUIs in one week and he's an alcoholic not in treatment.
No, no, no that does not sit well with me. No, not at all.
What if she was in the car with him? I was lucky enough to not be in the car with mine when he flipped his and was arrested.
No, no, no. Maybe you should show her my post I just wrote about being with an alcoholic.
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