I seriously just want to go far, far, away and somehow, have the ability to relax and forget everything except working on a tan, the warmth of the sun, how cute the cabana boy is, and how yummy the Sangri is.
Yesterday, Karen aka TweakerBoss, called my mom and started accusing my sister and I of "ratting her out." My mom was like, "Uhm, Karen... we have known for a longgggggggg time that you're a Meth-head, my girls didn't have to say a thing to us for that fact to be known." So Karen tells her how mad that makes her that she would think that and tells my mom that she's going to the hospital RIGHT NOW to get a blood test and she'll bring her the results of it! Then said "BYE!" and hung up.
Other than that, it was a pretty peaceful, lazy, day. I watched the State of the Union address in the afternoon on my computer and it put me to sleep. I wanted to gag at all the phoniness of it. I mean, really, they're all sitting (then standing and clapping) for a President that they don't support. Acting like they're hanging on to his every word - which I'm sure they were, as all the key Democrats had statements prepared almost directly after the President's speech, shooting down everything he said and criticising him. It kind of feels like the whole thing is just a big mockery and, well, it pretty much has become that.
Anyway.
Today is starting off on the same foot as the day before yesterday as far as drama goes. I knew that shit would be hitting the fan when I told Karen that I wasn't taking sides. When I made it clear to Kathern how I felt - she was told the same thing that I wrote in my journal; about how I felt part of the responsibility for Ashley using again was in her lap because of what she did.
Well, my parents and Ashley just went to the Cafe for lunch and she called me, completely pissed. I guess Karen is really up in arms, paranoid, and probably a little freaked that both of us have/are quitting and that we've seen so much. She's got all of her employees up in arms for her and I guess Kathern just told Ashley a bunch of stuff.
Apparently, I told EVERYONE at the Cafe about how Ashley came clean about her drug use. Ashley, solely, is responsible for dragging Karen down. That we've been talking so much crap about her that it's really getting around. There were many different things, but I couldn't get a whole lot between Ashley yelling and telling me how I was "ruining her life." Which just felt absolutely great!
I can't believe she's buying into the lies, gossip, and rumors that are circulating over there, caused by evil people who have hidden agendas.
I don't have the energy for this, I really don't. Ashley snapped, "we'll talk when I get home" before hanging up on me, but I don't think that's a very good idea AT ALL.
First of all, I'm really pissed over the entire situation. Secondly, when someone hangs up on me, it just infuriates me! There are few things more rude than doing that and she knows I detest it. Obviously she's already made up her mind that I'm ruining her life and causing all this drama for her and I doubt she's going to listen to what I have to say.
I do believe I'm going to go get a shower and take off for the afternoon. I don't want any ugly arguments or dramatic scenes. Normally, I'd be marching right off to the Cafe to have it all out with Kathern and anyone else that wants to throw some shit around. But I am just... over the drama of that place. It literally makes me feel sick. I'mt tired of confrontations and "talks" and drama and stress and ALL of it.
I want a vacation somewhere warm and sunny and by myself. Where there are no expectations on me, except the ones I put there. I really feel like I just need to get away for a while - but that's just not an option at this point. And since there are no black holes that can swallow me up or sand I can stick my head in, I'm just going to have to keep walkin' along and see where it leads me. If anyone ever came up with a magical formula where all you have to do is drink a teaspoon and you get a Break From Your Life - they could make a fortune on E-Bay!
Time to go get a shower and pray for patience and wisdom so I don't end up boxing my sister's ears and going off on a rampage. That really wouldn't be very pretty.
By the way, I had the weirdest dream EVER last night. I was getting married but I had red wedding dress shoes - which were flip-flops, thongs, whatever you wanna call them. And then they were left at the top of the closet and when it was time for the wedding, I was freaking out because I couldn't find my shoes. Weird, huh?
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6 comments:
Oh my, the drama never ends Amber. I can't even imagine what this must be like.
Your dream sounds fascinating. What did the guy look like? Blond curly hair?
How could your sister possibly take another person's side after all the talks you've given her about unconditional love? Unbelievable.
Egan: Hello! And welcome to my world of drama. My life is full of ups and downs - but believe it or not, there are periods where it's on an even keel. The dream was really weird; especially since it wasn't focused around people, like mine tend to be, but around this pair of hideous red thongs! I didn't really "see" the guy in my dream, although that might make my dating life a little easier if I had, haha. At the end though, I got to see myself and Mystery Man kissing on the pitcher's mound of a baseball field before I woke up. Which makes it even stranger as I don't particularly like baseball... Kind of funny though!
Sarah: Tis' true and my thoughts were going along those same lines. Until I talked to my mom about everything and unloaded. She let me vent and then told me I needed to remember that Ashley is vulnerable and emotional right now as she's going through withdrawls. Not an excuse for her, but at least an explanation. The next few months are going to be very trying... I can only pray that we all get through it and those bonds of unconditional love hold us all together. I have faith that it will :).
I still want to kick Karen in the twat though. She has lost her mind from all the dope she's done. Mez called it when she said she was a bitch!
Well unfortunately your sister will find out very quickly that HER actions and HER drugs are what is ruining her life. I have delt with way too many friends with drug problems. I have one friend who wound up in prison in Iowa on Attempted Murder charges due to Meth. Thankfully prison straightened him out and he has finally stood up to his potential and intelligence. He got his GED with flying colors, is just a couple months away from a college degree, tutors other inmates and is currently awaiting a room to open up at a half way house so he can get out of prison.
Hopefully Ashley will grow up before she either winds up in prison or in a cemetery. As for TweakerBoss anonimously turn her ass in when she's in posession. It'd serve her right and maybe help her get her shit together.
Also, come visit Kearney. :) Biggest drama here is Mike's classes not going right and my baby stuff.
Yes, come to Kearney. We have no sand, nor tanned people, but I can pretend to be a cabana boy.
Oh, and everybody gets a copy of the Prez's speech the day before he goes up.
As to your sister . . . I got nothing. Make her read all this and maybe she'll get it.
Suvvy: You're right... it's just really hard to deal with it. I pray that Ashley never reaches that point - prison or the cemetary. It's my most fervent prayer at this point. I just have to believe that God is in control here and she is in His hands, you know?
Mike: Hmm... are you volunteering to be my cabana boy? Does this entail being fanned with a large leaf of some sort, fixing my drinks, and feeding me grapes? Haha. Seriously though, Kearney does look like a nice place to visit... but not in the wintertime!
You know I'd love to meet both of you guys :).
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