Ready, Set, DRAMA!

Brace yourselves for a long entry, Dear Readers. Sorry - couldn't be helped.

I cannot believe the amount of absolute drama that happened today. It has seriously been one of the worst days I can remember in quite a while.

Ashley and my parents talked last night while I was at work and Ashley told me she had to talk to me today.

This morning, she told me what had been discussed last night. She told me that we had been right, she was using Meth again and that she needed help. That she's taken the first step by admitting that she has a problem and that she's sorry. She said telling me was harder than telling mom and dad. Before we started our chat, she had asked me to please not say anything until she was done talking and I had agreed. Ashley went on to tell me about a lot of different things; why she wasn't coming home, how ashamed she was, etc.

I stayed quiet until the end and then I looked her right in the eye and said, "you know I'm going to have some very hard questions for you now, don't you?" Tears were sliding silently down her cheeks and she simply said, "yes."

I asked her why it was harder for her to tell me than our parents. She said that it was because of how our relationship is right now and that she knows it's her fault and she didn't want to see the look of disappointment on my face.

I told her that it wasn't ALL her fault; a relationship takes two people, no matter what kind it is. That there were situations I could have handled better, things I've said that I probably shouldn't have, or at least came up with a better way of saying. That up until about a week or week and a half ago, that I had been very angry with her and that I had been lashing out instead of showing her unconditional love. I didn't show her very much love, only my anger and frustration. I said that it was her fault for starting to use drugs again, but that at least she was starting to take responsibility for her actions.

I also told her that I love her with all my heart. And that I would do whatever it took to help her. But that there was nothing I, or anyone else, could do until she decided that she, and her future, were worth fighting for. That until she decided to fight for herself, no one else could do a damn thing to help. I said that there are consequences for every action, be it good or be it bad, and that one of the consequences from this is a lack of trust and that she has forgone the benefit of the doubt. I told her that I didn't understand how she could turn to drugs, when she was raised by the same people as I was. We both grew up listening to the horror stories of my parent's drug years. We both always knew that we were loved and that our parents are proud of us. That she knows the devastation Meth wreaks on not only everyone around her, but on herself and that I just. could not. understand. why.

I told her that she was going to have a long, hard, road ahead of her - both physically and mentally and emotionally. That she has her family's 110% love and support. No ands, ifs, or buts about it. However, she is going to have to earn our trust back because of all the lying - regardless of the fact that Meth makes you lie. And that she was going to have to do it with her actions, because words, in this case, don't mean anything.

Then I gave her a hug and I made sure she knew that I was glad she had told the truth and was reaching out for help. I made sure she knows how much I love her and that I'll do whatever I can to be there for her and help her through this.

It's one thing to have suspicions, gut feelings, and bits and pieces of information that seem to point to someone you love destroying themselves and their lives. It's a whole other thing to have those suspicions and gut feelings confirmed; the bits and pieces of information filled in to make a whole picture that you can see clearly.

My baby sister has a hard road ahead of her if she is going to stay clean, sober, and have her future mimic her - bright and beautiful.

I don't know what to do now. I don't know what the next step is. I don't know if she's going to get into a rehab program, get counseling, see a doctor. All these options were discussed with her; I don't even think she knows what to do now. All I know is that my heart is aching for her. I want so badly to reach in and tear that addiction right out of her so that it is never a problem for her again. I want so bad to ease her suffering... and yet, I feel like maybe that suffering is going to help motivate her to get clean and stay that way. The whole nine yards. I don't know if it will or won't. I also know that I'm so thankful she finally reached out and was able to have the strength and courage and confidence in her family that we wouldn't slam the door on her, so to speak.

I guess we'll just take it one day at a time, watch her carefully, and, if she needs convincing, convince her to get some kind of professional help.

I didn't tell G specifics, only told her that I was dealing with some family issues and asked if she could cover for me for an hour or so. She said it wasn't a problem as she was there packing up Kristin's apartment. Which brings me to the last 10+ hours of drama.

TweakerBoss went off her rocker based on nothing but lies, rumors, and gossip. She kicked Kristin and her husband out of the apartment in the hotel (Kristin was the night manager for the hotel and took care of the phones and those responsibilities in lieu of paying rent). She told them that she would wait for them to get back from Denver so they could pack up their apartment and move.

Instead, while they were still gone, TweakerBoss got an army of her employees and had them pack up the entire place. But it wasn't nice packing. It was throwing everything they owned into boxes and plastic bags and tossing it out into the hall. She gave two of Kristin's $60/piece fleece blankets away. Someone stole a $100+ Kenneth Cole cologne set. Her son stole the comic books from the early 90's that my psycho ex-roommate had bought for her unborn child and made the comment that he was "going to sell them on E-BAY." Her $200 worth of make-up is pretty much trashed from all the broken containers, most of her perfume bottles were broken - it's just disgusting what they did to her.

THEN TweakerBoss tells me all about it when I come into work and says that the cops aren't letting her be there tonight to avoid an altercation. So I have to deal with all of it and not let them take anything that isn't theirs. That I am to notify the police, the bail bondsman, and the assistant manager as soon as they got there. Yeah, basically I get to call the cops on my friend and watch them like they're thieving criminals. I was pretty upset about it.

But then it got worse.

TweakerBoss went home and called me from there. She wanted to make sure that I was going to call the cops because I "seem to be on their side." I said, "uhm, you know what? I'm not taking sides in this." She flips out on me on the phone telling me that "you need to remember who you're working for! You HAVE to take a side in this!" I said, "TweakerBoss, I am not going to take sides and no, I do not HAVE to do so. I will do what you asked me to do given the fact that I am an employee of this hotel, but beyond that, I am not getting involved. This is YOUR drama." She was pretty pissed when she said, "well, I guess I'll just let it slide THIS time." The conversation was ended and ten minutes later, Kathern shows up (one of the assistant managers and one of my old friends from high school).

She tells me that we "have to talk" so we went into the office and closed the door. Before she said anything I said, "let me guess, you're here and we have to talk because TweakerBoss is pissed that I won't take sides in this."

"Wellllllllll... it's about employee loyalty, Amber. We can't have you saying one thing to the cops and us telling them something else. It's a bad reflection on the hotel."

"Well, guess what? I'm doing my duty as an employee of this hotel and I am complying with what she asked me to do as it's not illegal and she is the boss. But on a personal level? Kristin is my friend and I don't turn my back on my friends just because they've fucked up or made some bad choices. I've been getting nothing but heresay, gossip, and rumors for the last few days about all of this and I don't know who or what to believe. Besides that, it's really none of my business and has nothing to do with me. To be perfectly honest with you, I really don't care what has they did or didn't do. Bottom line: I'm fulfilling my obligation to this hotel and IF the cops even talk to me, I'll answer truthfully no matter what. I'm not a liar and I won't lie for any of you, no matter who it is. As far as taking sides? I'm not doing it. This is my work for now and Kristin is my friend - I'll do what I have to do for this place and then I'll do what I need to do for a friend in need. Do you understand what I am saying?"

"Wellllllllll... yeah... I'll call TweakerBoss and let her know that you weren't talking about picking sides on a work level, that it was a personal level."

"Good. Thank you. You can also let her know that my letter of resignation is on her desk."

If everyone turned their back on their friends just because they've screwed up or made some bad choices, then who in the hell would have any friends in this world? The whole thing was distasteful and foul to me - the entire situation just stunk of lies and hidden agendas. I called the police, the bail bondsman, and Kathern when they arrived - I did what I was told to do as an employee of the hotel. And then I did what I could to support a friend. And if it makes me the "arch rival" of the place and everyone is pissed at me (which that's what the majority of folks are thinking, TweakerBoss is NOT happy with me, and I doubt several others are either) then so be it - fuck all of you. You obviously don't have a clue about loyalty, friendship, and love. And all of you had better remember that what goes around, comes around. You reap what you sow. Karma. Whatever you want to call it. Some day, you guys are going to be the ones down and out, with no place to go and every face you look into, an unfriendly one. And I pray that they will remember this day, what they did, how they handled it.

Ugh, I am just so upset about all of this!

Then Kristin tells me about how everyone knows that Chad (Ashley's boyfriend) and TweakerBoss are having an affair. Several things start clicking into place. Like the time Ashley pulled a double to help Chad cook as they were supposed to be very busy and he and TweakerBoss just disappear. Only to call like two hours later saying they were at the bar and wondering if they needed help. How she is always telling them "no kissing!!" and waving her finger in their faces when Ashley would give Chad a kiss at work. How TweakerBoss made a big stink and refused to let Ashley go on the Staff Christmas Party/"Ski Trip." How Chad is the one that called her, told her that "no one wanted her there" then went without her. TweakerBoss's husband did not go on that trip. Then when they all got back, all of a sudden there was no problem with Ashley anymore and everything was hunky-dory. Just a lot of things clicked.

When Ashley was told about this, she immediately got into her car and went up to confront Chad. As soon as she got home, I said, "well?" And she goes, "nope! Nothing was/is going on." I said, "uhm, sis, I'm calling bullshit - but you're the one that has to be the judge of that."

She gave my mom and I a hug, said "I love you guys, I've had enough drama for one night, and I'm going to bed."

So who knows with that?

The whole day has just been filled with stress, drama, anger, and disgust over everything that is happening to Kristin. And confusion, sadness, and a sense of helplessness, but at the same time, an odd kind of relief that the truth is out now and we can do something about it, as far as my sister goes.

I'm so drained in every possible way - mentally, emotionally, physically. I've got a headache from hell and all I really want to do is pop some headache relievers, take a hot bath, and go to bed. Unfortunately, I'm one of those people that stews on something until I can get it out and I feel like I'm ready to go on a rampage right now. Although it has gotten better since I've already written a short story on this, haha.

Things would be bad enough with what TweakerBoss did to Kristin. But here's the thing:

My brother passed away March 23, 2005. May 4, 2005, the high school did a special memorial assembly for him. A bunch of students had borrowed pictures of Matt and did a powerpoint presentation of his life for us. Then presented our family with the plaque they were hanging in the lobby that has his name, birth, and heaven dates on it, along with his picture. We were all up on the stage, but nobody else felt like they could talk or wanted to, so I had to accept it and give a small speech thanking everyone for what they did. Ashley and I left after that and that's when we ran into my mom's good friend, Judy. She took one look at Ashley and said, "honey... WHAT are you on?!" Ashley started crying and spilled it all, the three of us went to the house and had a sit down with my parents. Since that day, Ashley has been clean up until a couple of months ago. Yes, my sister has choices and she does have to take responsibility for them.

HOWEVER, TweakerBoss is a grown woman of 47. She knows that Ashley has had a problem with Meth in the past. This entire last year and a half, she has had her periodically going to the people she knows has it, to get her speed, coke, or meth - depending on what she wanted. I firmly feel that she is partially responsible for Ashley ending back up at square 1. Who in the fuck does she think she is asking a teenage girl with a known past addiction to score dope for her? Putting her smack dab into the red zone - where a bunch of druggies with more dope than brains - can offer it to her? CONSTANTLY. They all knew she used to do it. Not to mention the fact that when you get drugs for someone, it is considered to be a "rule of thumb" type of thing where you pinch off a bud if it's pot or lay out a line if it's something else for whoever got it for you. How many times was it offered to her before she finally just couldn't ignore the craving and she gave in? How many times can your self-control be pushed to the limit like that before you fall? One of the things you do when you get out of the drug lifestyle is to stay away from that environment. You put distance... a lot of distance... between yourself and the people you used to call friends who are still doing the crap. TweakerBoss took advantage of her authority as her boss and repeatedly put her into the position of having to get her what she wanted or facing the consequences; including termination.

Ashley felt cornered and trapped, like she didn't have a choice. Since she actually quit, she now realizes what a hold that place had on her and how stupid that choice was - she should have told her to take her dope and shove it up her ass, to get it herself. But she's still a teenager who is finding her own voice and is more vulnerable to intimidation tactics by older adults; especially when they're your damn boss!

I'm not exonerating Ashley. I'm just saying that you don't stick a wad of cash into an alcoholic's hand and push them into a bar. They may be able to fight it for a while, but eventually, that cash is going to turn into as many Jack Daniel shots as it can buy and just like that - they're hooked again. You don't stick a wad of cash into a teenage girl's hand, who is a known recovering Meth addict, and send them to get dope for you.

I'm going to do my best to be civil, polite, and professional for my last two weeks of work as I really do need the paycheck. My last day is February 5th. I've already told the owner's assistant about my decision to quit and I spelled it out for him, in no uncertain terms, exactly why I was leaving. I told him I thought it was a load of crap that the owner's knew what was going on, but were turning a blind eye to it. That it was sickening and in my eyes, they were just as guilty for Ashley using again as she is. Paul was pretty upset by the news of what TweakerBoss had been doing and he agreed with me 100% about the owners. He said he would be following in my footsteps soon. He told me that he thought it was commendable that I was taking a stand and that he thought I was doing the right thing. Then he wished me the very best of luck and left.

I had talked to him a couple months ago regarding our manager's behavior and what was going on. He had passed it on to the owners and they did NOTHING.

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong! The whole thing is just wrong!

In any case, I'll do my best to hold my tongue, but so help me... if she says ONE word to me about any of this and starts coming down on me for something - she is not going to like what I have to say. I am walking a very tight rope with my ability to be civil to her.

I think I'm done. At least for now.

THANK GOD I have the next three days off.

PS: As an addendum to the points made in my previous entry, let's just throw this out there. Women are obviously smarter all the way around; let's break it down into it's most basic elements. What is a man's best friend? His dog, right? Yup. What's a woman's best friend? Here's a clue if you don't know: it sparkles, costs a lot of money, and is usually the favorite choice in an engagement ring. If you picked diamond, you'd be correct. What more proof do you need? Hahahaha! (Please note that I'm merely being facetious as I heard this somewhere and thought it quite funny). Had to add this in after reading/responding to everyone's comments.

Also! My mom's doctor called back and they were able to rule out liver cancer. However, she had to go get more blood taken and if the enzymes are still high, they will have to take a biopsy of the liver to test for auto-immune diseases (not HIV), like Lupus or Rheumatoid Arthritis. So both good news and some not so good news. Please keep all your fingers and toes crossed and keep praying if that's what you do. Thanks!! :)